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Post by Mandragora on Jan 22, 2003 8:08:41 GMT -5
I am inspired... due to the "Sex and the City" reruns, maybe we can have this thread where we discuss, er, girltalk. You know, general Girl Talk with a capital G. Silly discussions, nothing TOO philosophical  I am a little disturbed with this query the character of Sarah Jessica Parker (Carrie Bradshaw) posed in this episode about commitment. It goes something like this, if you're commited, does that mean you have to shelf your single life? I am a commitmentphobic, I need enlightenment... at some point I am going to fall in-love (again), how do you NOT screw things up? I mean, do we fall in-love because we want to be in a relationship or are we in a relationship because we're in-love? But regarding the latter, you have to be reciprocated, right? And not believing in love, at the moment, does that automatically label you a cynic? Why is it that it seems love and relationships are two entirely separate concepts? It's a cliche... you have a great friendship with this guy but you don't want to fall for him as to not ruin the friendship... it's BS! But it happens, right? And what defines what... isn't there a manual somewhere, like, 'if you blush plus the plapitation of the heart plus the sweating equals love'... or something to that effect? I can't believe I'm babbling like this, but then maybe some of you are interested  |
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MrsRiddle
Junior Member
he's so cute!
Posts: 58
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Post by MrsRiddle on Jan 22, 2003 10:55:31 GMT -5
your not babbling. i think its quite interesting too
cos 4 months ago i realised i was in love with my best friend, Chris, but i didn't want to say anything because i didn't want to ruin the friendship and also we'd been out with each other before. but then now we are back together and i think he feels the same, but i can never know for sure.
well he gets really jealous of me talking about Ioan and CC! he kept puttin me off watching 102 Dalmatians - when i was doing it for college work.
but now we're together i cant help wondering, where do we go from here? were in a relationship, i'm happy, i'm with the man i love, but surely once i get used to that fact, i will get bored and want to fall in love again and feel the freshness.
does this make any sense? agh i just had philosophy and my brain is aching!
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Catriona
Full Member
Dear Diary: Alcohol units, 0; Cigarettes, 0; Mudbloods killed, 14; v.g. Go me!
Posts: 159
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Post by Catriona on Jan 22, 2003 16:39:35 GMT -5
I don't know! Love is soooo tough to define. I have been with my current boyfriend for almost two years now, and I'm pretty sure I love him. I would definately sacrifice myself for him, and vice versa. But love is much more than that. It's a compilation of so many little things.
And of course you don't have to give up your crushes because you're in a relatioinship! I read in a magazine that having crushes on other people in healthy in a relationship because it adds a bit of jealousy. I've had crushes on tons of celebrities in the past two years, and my boyfriend has never minded, because in the end he knows he's the one I'm dating. So don't feel you have to give up your fantasy world for some guy.
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Post by Sampaguita on Jan 22, 2003 17:18:03 GMT -5
I'm interested in the "cynical" part of your post. I think love stinks, but I fall in love anyways. Does that make me a cynic?
I'm just one big ball of contradictions. Here I am holding on to some feelings I've had for the past five years for someone I feel that I should not have these feelings for. Why? Because when we met, I was 15 and he was 22. I was a high school sophmore while he was in his 4th year at a University. And on some level, I'm waiting for him-- still (now I'm 20 and he's 27). It's ridiculous. I don't care if we're both still single... it's just not right. It stinks.
In the meantime, there's "V"-- who belongs to a family that's been friends with my family for at least three generations. And I can't stop picturing a future there-- I guess because I believe it's safe, ideal, and something that our families would like... Even though we want different things. He wants to grow up and be a doctor and live an affluent Seventh-day Adventist life. I want to study popular culture-- particularly popular music for the rest of my life... not exactly falling into the realm of a prosaic Seventh-day Adventist existence or any strict religeous existence.
And then there are other crushes that don't ever really amount to much.
In spite of all of this, I still think love really sucks.
I agree that one shouldn't give up their fantasy world or their "eyes" just because they're dating someone.
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Voldie_M
Full Member
raaaaargh!
Posts: 186
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Post by Voldie_M on Jan 22, 2003 17:33:30 GMT -5
wow thats a tough one!
You know,i dont think someone can define love,its just...(not meaning to sound stupid here lol)..undefinable!
I've been with my boyfriend for just over a month now,but he used to be (and still is) one of my best friends,Bri.
It's weird how you look at someone so differently all of a sudden,we tried dating back last year,but it didnt work out,we didnt know each other that well,we lasted two weeks,so we called it off,but since then we got to know each other,and became really close friends,but no matter how much i just tried to see him as "just my best friend" i couldnt.there was something more i wanted,for 9 months i denied the fact that i really liked him in that way,but i didnt wanna say anything in case it ruined the friendship.That was the last thing i wanted to happen.
SO..i continued to just leave it,but everytime i saw him i was just gutted that i wasnt with him,he's had another girlfriend since me and i had another boyfriend,Alex,who i love to bits but in a different way,cos me and alex were like best friends too.
We're still close,but my relationship with alex didnt last cos i spent the whole time wishing i was with Bri.(of course alex didnt know that,but thats what i blame it on)
Anyway,about 3 months ago Bri started acting really odd...it was like he didnt know what to say to me anymore,like he was hiding something.
And then i just had to ask him about it,what was wrong and WHY was he acting like such a fool!
and thats when he told me everything,for the past 9 months he had wanted to be with me too but just didnt know how to tell me.
it was like...well i cant describe the feeling i got when i found out.
i know this sounds all lovey dovey and perfect but it was amazing.
So then that was it,he asked me to go out with him and of course i said yes!
we talked for ages that night,it was like everything that had happened in the past 9 months all had to be let out.
But you know what i think,everyone has their own idea for what love is,and everyone who experiences love experiences it in a different way to someone else.
Because we're all different,we all feel different things in different ways.
I think,about that whole wanting to be with someone else thing,that occur anytime,but if you're with the right person i dont think it would happen.obviously i wouldnt know cos ive never experienced anything like that.I mean,im not sure if i wanna spend the rest of my life with Bri,im still young,still ready for anything the world has to throw at me kinda thing.But im pretty sure i love him.
it's very odd isn't it?
Maybe going off someone is just lust that burns out,and its said that lust can sometimes be confused with love.
I guess everyone gets crushes *hell im sure Bri fancies britney spears!* but being in Love... i just don't know.
eeeeshk!! i've made myself think too much now! lol
not good if you have the flu!
Liz
xx
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Post by lizifer on Jan 22, 2003 20:06:47 GMT -5
In the meantime, there's "V"-- who belongs to a family that's been friends with my family for at least three generations. And I can't stop picturing a future there-- I guess because I believe it's safe, ideal, and something that our families would like... Even though we want different things. He wants to grow up and be a doctor and live an affluent Seventh-day Adventist life. I want to study popular culture-- particularly popular music for the rest of my life... not exactly falling into the realm of a prosaic Seventh-day Adventist existence or any strict religeous existence. that kinda sounds like me! i grew up with this guy, our families were great friends, we lived in the same street, we'd spend every waking moment with each other. then his family moved away when i was like 14 or something, and now we only see each other a few times a year. and it sux basically. i love this guy, i think i always will. nothings ever happened between us, it nearly did once but anyway, my point is i know i love this guy but what i don't know is if i love him in a friendship or romantic way! and so i ignore it. then a few months ago i meet this other guy, were good friends and again i feel something for this guy but i dunno if its romantic or friendship so again i ignore it! so overall i agree with sam, love sux!!! |
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Post by Sampaguita on Jan 22, 2003 22:53:10 GMT -5
What sucks about this particular situation is that he and I go to the same university-- the good news is that he graduates this year (on time, the lucky something-or-other... I have to take a 5th year  ). The bad news is that he's going to another university 15 minutes away next year... AND his younger sister will still be around on campus up until I graduate. AND YES!!!! I don't know whether I actually have feelings for "V" or not!!!! I could just be wanting a relationship so badly and he could just be convenient-- because I know that SOME people in our families would like it to happen. I can picture a prosaically happy existence with him... but I'm not sure I'd be completely satisfied. He's a great guy, but we'd want different things. I don't think I'd feel this way if I wasn't feeling the pressure of wanting to be in a relationship... to have a guy of my own. Gosh, and I'm ONLY 20! Oh, and it can't really help that I can't shake the feelings I have for "the writer"-- and mixture of hopelessness and hopefulness that I feel towards that situation. But that doesn't mean I'll settle for just any guy. I've seen quite a few girls (especially during my first year at the university) just settle because they were so desperate to be attached. That lead to a series of mistakes-- augh. I'm not like that... but yeah, I am feeling that pressure. Perhaps because there's not much for a single person to do in this god-awful city that this university is lodged in. (Perhaps why I'm always driving back home to L.A. on the weekends and sometimes during the week.) Well, I think that's enough complaining for now. I think I'm gonna grab my guitar and write a country song about all of this --- NO, wait. American Idol is on in 10 minutes. It's Los Angeles auditions tonight and I'm looking to see if any of my acquaintances got airtime... particularly those conceited people from high school. I'm hoping some of them got some really scathing Simonisms. |
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Post by Mandragora on Jan 23, 2003 1:28:31 GMT -5
I don't really want to say that love sucks... so far it does, with the way how other people define it for you. For one, what really irks me is that 'you'll learn to love that person' crap... I mean can you just have feelings for this particular person and not box it in some stupid way, based on practicality and such?
But I think whén you're in that situation, you know, you're singing "They Can't Take THat Away From Me" to the full moon (that's a sure sign in my case) and it feels like you're walking several feet above the ground, and then this feeling is supposed to be wrong... what makes love right anyway? One of my favorite lines about love goes like this: "If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be corrected" I saw that in a small card in the sixth grade, and for some reason it feels like that's how I find love. Not that I require a tragedy, you know, but so far, what makes me cynival about love is because it never came my way when it really worked. There's always a reason that it's wrong, it's the wrong time, etc..
So is it more reasonable to settle? Because so far, in this time, I don't think that it's easy to find love considering that we are more diverse than before, women DO think for themselves, and I don't think "Pride and Pejudice" works anymore... in the sense that some women of today are anything but the Bennet ladies.
It's crazy, but while reading that novel, I never saw what Darcy saw in Elisabeth... so she's spunky and he's Mr Frigid, so opposites attract, only AFTER Elisabeth finds out Darcy's in-love with her.
Heh, I quite apologize, but so far the most convincing love story I've ever read is the one written by F. Scott Fitzgerald, the short story "The Lees of Happiness".
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Post by Sampaguita on Jan 23, 2003 2:10:29 GMT -5
Is that what you think I'm doing?-- Just curious.
I dunno. I think maybe "Pride and Prejudice" can happen today. I think I've seen some forms of it in some of my friends' relationships.
And I guess love doesn't always suck... but right now I believe it does. Which is probably one of the reasons I'm indulging in the LFO song "Girl On TV." (I know some of you are laughing at the music major that likes LFO, but they've got some great hooks... Rich Cronin used to be a jingle-writer in college, afterall.)
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Post by Mandragora on Jan 23, 2003 2:39:10 GMT -5
Is that what you think I'm doing?-- Just curious. HAHAHA, NO.... it's just a general query. That happens, you know, to a lot of people I know. Those who are just so desperate and then just grabs the first flesh that comes along and then 'learning to love'... I don't know, I guess a follow-up question is, do we learn to love? Isn't it just something that happens, like a meteor crash? Hmm, I should do an experiment, like one of those teen novels where the girl does things to make this geek fall in-love with her because she was dared to Haha, it's mean, I know, and usually in stories as such, the mean girl really falls for the geek and the geek becomes a heartthrob of sorts and then they beacome an item until colleger starts. Teenage love, I suppose. Hey, I was once THERE, by the way, and yes, it's CRAZY. Speaking of Pride and Prejudice, I got a kick out of watching this Discover Channel series called "Great Books", and it featured P&P. I might have to agree with the analysis of this certain scholar, re the first line of the book: "It is a truth that is universally acknowledged that a single man with a good fortune must be in want of a wife", and then the guys says: "It is a truth that is universally acknowledged, that a single man, a catch, with a large fortune, a better catch, must be in want of a wife, that's me." I laughed so loud, and to think I was watching that in the wee hours. And yes, once spotted a catch, you charge! Mrs Bennet is a crazy lady, I'd probably scream if she's my mother... and my mother's ALMOST like her, only just the opposite (in the meantime)... none of her daughter' allowed to have a boyfriend until she graduates from college (poor us), but my youger brother's girlfriend, oh my, I just cannot believe it. She cooks a meal and then sends it to her. Utterly mental, my mom |
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Post by lizifer on Jan 23, 2003 7:09:59 GMT -5
i can't ever see myself just settling for someone.
i love lfo's songs, there's just something about them, it could be like u say, they have some great hooks!
i think love is just something that happens, it can't be learnt.
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Post by Mandragora on Jan 23, 2003 10:44:40 GMT -5
What abou the possibility of 'love the second time around'?
Ach, I do not exaclty consider this love at all, but let's say what if a ghost is back? You know, someone from your past, and then poof! Knowing your mistakes, will you try another time, the second time around? Something like you learned, "Oh, I shouldn't had to be like that", etc, and then the same person is somewhat back and you don't know if you should give it a try one more time...
By the way, do you guys believe in such thing as closure?
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Voldie_M
Full Member
raaaaargh!
Posts: 186
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Post by Voldie_M on Jan 23, 2003 11:34:14 GMT -5
the second time around thing can definatly happen,
it happened with me and Bri,but at the time i was thinking "should i do this? will the same happen again?"
i couldnt help thinking that
and closure,well im sure that once you've been in love with someone,and if then you break up/whatever happens,but their out of your life,you'll never forget them thats for sure,but that doesn't mean to say that your feelings for them will remain
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zoeperzazke
New Member
www.harrypotterzone.tk
Posts: 31
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Post by zoeperzazke on Jan 23, 2003 11:49:27 GMT -5
Wow, this is a pretty heavy topic!  anyway, I think we all recognize each others feelings, so love must be something that could be defined... it might be the usual, but especially the unusual feelings between you and 'someone'. There is a huge difference between being in love and love someone... as for me, I fall in love all the time. But I have the sweetest boyfriend ever now, and I think at this moment I'm between falling in love and love him. That's such a difficult thing! Sometimes I really agree if you say love sux, but how do I miss the feeling to be with a guy all the time, having fun and being happy all the time, thos things, when I'm single... Oh, whatever... love just sux... |
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Post by Sampaguita on Jan 23, 2003 12:01:14 GMT -5
That's hard to say. I think I'd have to go with: Absolutely not! I spent five years on and off taking a certain coward back. I don't think that I could do that again... And I have a feeling that I've outgrown him.
But there are a couple guys that, if they fell back into my life, I'd be weak in the knees. (One guy who I couldn't handle a long-distance relationship with, for instance.)
Anyways, I have to get to class in 7 minutes, and I haven't showered yet. Sorry.... Too much info.
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). The bad news is that he's going to another university 15 minutes away next year... AND his younger sister will still be around on campus up until I graduate.
